Becoming A Queen
Reflections on the new TV Show Queens
Warning: Spoilers Ahead
When I first saw the trailer for “Queens,'' my first thought was: Oh No! I'm not sure this is a good idea. Isn’t there already a show very similar to this in my queue? But I decided to give it a try since I like Eve as an artist, grew up singing every Brandy song, watching “Moesha,” and I have come to appreciate Naturi’s character on “Power.” Plus, watching BIPOC women take the lead is something I always try my best to get behind. I didn’t put much hope in the show, figuring I’d watch the first episode, then add it to my list, where it would hang out in the abyss of my queue. I didn’t expect to find myself tearing up as each Queen put a spin on the verses and performed on stage.
It wasn’t their performance that amazed me; rather, the story was deeper than I expected. I initially thought “Queens” was about living in the past and chasing what was. But it is actually a coming-of-age story. Four grown-ass women step on stage and begin to reclaim their identity. This one episode contained all the character introductions and enough narrative to get them on stage together, so admittedly, it sacrificed depth about the transformation taking place in each woman’s life. But the story of this series was clear as the Queens ascended the stage: each begins to figure out how to stand Right-Side-Up, performing and declaring self-definition in a world that taught them to tilt, distort, and conform themselves. This is why I found myself tearing up: at the end--because it was a reminder that I too could keep on keeping on and stand Right-Side-Up for myself.
Before the episode culminates on stage, we are briefly introduced to the life of each woman, catching a glimpse of who they have become. At the same time, we begin to see the many ways they have lost pieces of themselves as they’ve attempted to twist and conform to another image for spouses, children, employees, and society at large.
Brianna is a mother of five, who has recently recognized that by freely choosing to give up everything for her family she hasn’t created space for herself to live and thrive. Brianna grapples with her desire to recover long-forgotten parts of herself while simultaneously extending emotional and mental labor to care for her family. At the beginning of her story, we see the heat and pressure she feels as she tries to hold it all together; literally having too many pots on the stove. She feels alone and can’t turn to the shallow friendships she has that don’t go beyond recipes and pick-up lines. To complicate matters, Brianna must determine how to navigate her husband’s infidelity in the midst of being the backbone for the family as they navigate her husband’s medical diagnosis. But when she steps on stage and begins to dance, while letting her rhymes flow, she’s choosing to radically love herself. She’s choosing radical self-love to discover and rediscover parts of herself, an act of love and grace.
In Jill’s journey, we see her struggle with what it means to stay in a marriage where she hasn’t been faithful to her husband or herself. This struggle to come out (as a lesbian) causes her to wrestle with the intersection of her faith and sexuality. Jill must figure out what it means to live her truth even when it could cause pain to those she loves, especially her husband whom she’s been unfaithful to. As Jill interacts with the young rapper Lil Muffin, she sees reminders of the toll the industry took on her, warning the young rapper about caring for herself and not allowing people to treat her as a commodity. As the two interact, Jill reminds the young rapper that her stage name, Lil Muffin, is not her identity but a personification, and if she doesn’t know who she really is underneath, she’ll dissolve once fame dissipates. In speaking wisdom and encouragement to this young woman, Jill recognizes she must face herself and the facade she has hidden behind. She must learn to name her truth, putting her stage persona aside, and begisn living as her true self. When Jill steps on stage, she stops performing the role she’s played for so long. On stage she begins to declare her truth without inhibitions and fear.
Naomi is a lyricist who struggles to find her voice and move beyond the mistakes of her past. Although she tells her girls she’s finally starting to play the type of music she wants, she can’t come to terms with the fact that this new direction isn’t taking her where she wants to go. Naomi has spent so much of her life chasing the spotlight and running from her past. In the process, she lost her way, lost her voice, and lost sight of what really mattered. As she strums a melody on her guitar and sings the song “Here Me”, we see the beginning of her arc toward facing herself and past mistakes that prevent her from reaching her full potential. Naomi is stuck, but she has to look back -- facing her past and allowing it to gaze back at her, learning its lessons -- instead of running from it. On stage, Naomi accepts an invitation to pursue her dreams without losing her heart.
Valeria pretends like everything’s fine. She has made a name for herself, but the cost includes burned bridges, self-protective isolation, and a shadiness that gnaws at her conscience . Abandoned as a child, she craves the spotlight and is desperately trying to prove that she deserves to belong and is enough. She’s trying hard to prove that she is worthy, but she inevitably pushes people away. Briefly away from her success, name, and fame, Vakeria admits that returning to her former life and the protective mask she wears terrifies her. It’s as if she is starting to exhale for the first time. After decades of living underneath the weight of the mask, shifting and maneuvering; stepping on stage is an opportunity Valeria to learn to be free.
As each woman shares her lyrical verses, surrounded by the other Queens, there is magical transformation.The queens reclaim agency over their lives, abandon the illusion of freedom, and start trusting their own hearts. In transformation, they are not unrecognizable from their former characters, just more real, more dynamic, more alive, more becoming.
From the thin context provided by one single episode, I sat misty-eyed and hopeful when these four queens took the stage and rapped her truth. I am hopeful as a 40-something Black woman who’s learning to put myself Right-Side-Up in a crooked world, and it’s good to have reminders that it’s a worthwhile journey. I am hopeful because I realized several years ago I built a life that prioritized my family and their needs over and above my own as if they were more deserving than my own dreams and passions. I’m hopeful as a 40-something who’s not trying to relive my 20s but rather optimistically looking forward to all that my 40s can and will bring. Watching the Queens step on stage was a reminder to me to keep taking leaps of faith. It was a reminder to stop hiding, remove the mask, recover my voice, and step into my own glorious self.
Episode 1, Season 1 of “Queens” is indeed a new season, as these four women co-journey with one another learning to be. I’m looking forward to seeing their journey unfold, and I hope we get to see them live more and more into what it means for them each to name themselves and affirm each other as a Queens. I want to watch quality television about BIPOC women learning to radically love themselves in the fullness of who they are without a mask and without shifting. It will require that they continue to deconstruct norms and reconstruct a new rhythm and way of being. I have no idea if any of that will actually happen, but I know it’s happening for many of us in the real world. Every day, women are waking up to continue their own identity formation journeys, fighting to put ourselves Right-Side-Up in a crooked, crooked world, and it starts when we choose to name ourselves Queens. Looking forward to Eposide 2 tonight. How about you my Queens?
As you sit with these things here are some questions to reflect upon.
In what ways do you feel like you’ve lost your voice, yourself.
Have you constructed a life, a way of being that hasn’t considered you at all?
What’s incongruent with your reality and who you believe yourself to be?
Are there things that need to be deconstructed so that it can be reconstructed to reflect your ever-changing reality as you discover more and more what it means to be a Queen and live Right-Side-Up again?